I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
