i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
