Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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