Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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