Need sex. Gaining weight.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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