I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
