sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
