Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
