My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
