that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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