he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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