Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
