Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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