never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
