just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
