he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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