It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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