i jhust puked up my retainher.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
