yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
