"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
