She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
