Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
