Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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