Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
