dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
