and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
