Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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