haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
