My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
this beer tastes like vomit already
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
