I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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