just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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