i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
