My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
