Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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