im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
