Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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