Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
