All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
