Are we in a gay sports bar?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
