I wanna passion pit in your ass
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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