Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I will pee on everything he values.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
