When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How naked do you want me to be?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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