evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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