I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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