didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
