just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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