Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
