i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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