You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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