so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
as a side note pls kill me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
