How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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