The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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