i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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