when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
