I hate all girls vehemently.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
