I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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