I bet he comes in French.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
