at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
