wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
